just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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