you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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