I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
