I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
