Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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