so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
