Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
