On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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