So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize