youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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