You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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