party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
