Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
