that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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