Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
