Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
