ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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