I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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