and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize