My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
