How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
