I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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