all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm having to shit out rocks
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
