dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
