i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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