I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You left your phone here
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