I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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