Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
