I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
