i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You may now shotgun with the bride
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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