Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
