He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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