So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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