Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
