If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
