I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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