I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
