i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I pour the whiskey from now on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
