I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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