I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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