I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
