mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
