Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize