yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've blown a few things in my day
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
