I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
