the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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