Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
