Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
