I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize