i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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