I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
