so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
