I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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