i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
