My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
