I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
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