Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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