The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
