My friends, they love my intelligence
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He passed out mid-signature
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
