DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
