Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so let's talk penis.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize