is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
