I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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