well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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