Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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