They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
