and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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